Relationship Jesters Pillows

'When we dated, most of his body was athletic. Now he's down to just athlete's foot.'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

Man and wife, "Nonsense, dear-what makes you think you'll be left on the shelf?"

"A SECOND honeymoon - but what was wrong with the first one?"

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

"We're having some marital issues... we hardly talk anymore!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

'He does.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"This will be hilarious!"

The prying mantis,

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"Am I through to the next round?"

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"