Marital Life Jester Pillows

I told my wife that she's driving me out of my mind.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"This will be hilarious!"

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

'He does.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The prying mantis,

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"Am I through to the next round?"

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

'Wait while I slip on something more comfortable.'

"They're a perfect match – she's high-maintenance, and he can fix anything."

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."