Marital Jester Pillows

'She suggested we try a new position.'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"That's it for assets. For liabilities, I suppose I should start with her."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

The prying mantis,

'He does.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"This will be hilarious!"

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

"Am I through to the next round?"

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'