Relationship Advice Jesters Pillows

"Psst. . . want to see what women from Venus really look like?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"This will be hilarious!"

'He does.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The prying mantis,

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"Am I through to the next round?"

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

'They were all out of roses.'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.