Parenting Jesters Pillows

"Oh, oh!!"

Feeding the baby

A baby watching coronaviruses on television

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

Dad Trophies

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

'Did you find any clothes?'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

Toddler in the Bed: A Journey

Pumping up wig in blender.

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

'Just because Buster got a tattoo doesn't mean that you have to!'

'Nope.'

"I can't continue working these hours...I feel as though I'm missing Michael's childhood...." "His name's Mark!"

"Mom and Dad have to migrant now, so we're leaving you with the au pair."

"We're having some marital issues... we hardly talk anymore!"

"The principal called? Should I lawyer up?"

"When Daddy goes by, make sure he can see how bored we are."

'At first I wanted a brother... but I changed my mind. I want a puppy.'

Oh, girls...if you refer to me as 'Room Service' one more time, it's the last sleep-over.

Turkey Hostage.

"Everything looks fine. Now, let's check the baby's FICO score."