Relationship Antics Pillows

It was eleven o'clock before he realized he'd worn his wife's pants to work.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'I think you should seek treatment for that Lego block obsession of yours!'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

'I just want to be sure to get this right. You met again your imaginary childhood friend and then happened WHAT?'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

'I miss the days when you used to wear cologne instead of just rolling in something in the backyard.'

"The phrase is 'score,' dude."

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

Ereptile Dysfunction

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"What's come between us?"

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

"Your wife is in overly critical condition."

"It turns out I was having an affair and I didn't even know it."

'You're not a zombie Ralph, you're just a little depressed.'