Relationship Laugh Pillows

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Reading the sports pages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Aging Problems

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'