Relationship Antics Gifts

It was eleven o'clock before he realized he'd worn his wife's pants to work.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'I think you should seek treatment for that Lego block obsession of yours!'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I just want to be sure to get this right. You met again your imaginary childhood friend and then happened WHAT?'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"What's come between us?"

Ereptile Dysfunction

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"The phrase is 'score,' dude."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

'I miss the days when you used to wear cologne instead of just rolling in something in the backyard.'

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."