Relationship Fun Gifts

'...But first, our national anthem.'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

Aging Problems

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"I love the way these safari trips bring out the animal in you, darling."

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'