Relationship Goofballs Pillows

Tunnel of Love.

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

Shoot For The Moon

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

'They were all out of roses.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

The Deaths take a selfie.

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

'Why Walter!! Are you getting fresh?!!'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Oh man...I'm so sorrry...I just keep thinking that someday, we'll be together... But, it's totally wrong to assume all my dreams will come true."

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

Although not under the covers, a mime husband's fart inside an invisible box is still considered a Dutch oven.

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

"Please yourself, I'll add salt if you like but I'm only dyeing a pair of socks..."

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"They say you're supposed to listen to what your body is telling you."

'We need something for his verbal incontinence. He has a blather control problem.'

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

'Remind me - have you slipped into something more comfortable, or out of something more comfortable?'

Old man - 'Who are you?' Glamorous lady - 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

"The only time I have fun in bed is when he gets cramp."

I had a great time tonight, and I'd like to see you again in 4-6 months. When doctors date.