Relationship Goofballs Pillows

Shoot For The Moon

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

'They were all out of roses.'

The Deaths take a selfie.

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Why Walter!! Are you getting fresh?!!'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

"Please yourself, I'll add salt if you like but I'm only dyeing a pair of socks..."

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"They say you're supposed to listen to what your body is telling you."

Although not under the covers, a mime husband's fart inside an invisible box is still considered a Dutch oven.

'We need something for his verbal incontinence. He has a blather control problem.'

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

(Can't) Count Dracula.

'Not again?! Honey, let your assistant do the shredding.'

"The only time I have fun in bed is when he gets cramp."

'Remind me - have you slipped into something more comfortable, or out of something more comfortable?'