Cosmic Goofballs Pillows

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

Shoot For The Moon

The Deaths take a selfie.

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

Ostritch Gangsters.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

(Can't) Count Dracula.

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."

A dog fetches planet earth for God.

'Well, Frank, I've told you a hundred times to tighten your neck bolts, but do you ever listen? Nooo!'

'Look! More roaches.'

"A backflip with a full twist, handspray pike and a three quarter roll will do nothing to further your cause Mr Laney."

"Today's my dad's 90th birthday. I got him a cake. I used 90 candles to spell out 'Happy 90th Birthday from your goof-up son who can't ever do anything right. I organized the whole party. And what do you think of me, Pop?'...The candles flared up and burned his house down..."

Sauces & Pickles

Lizard running with football.

'Too much to drink at lunch time.'

"Not another step into this house mister, until you empty the sand from your shoes!"