Showbiz Spectator Gifts

Spot the face-lift.

"Get in the box! I don't want to get in the box! Get in the box! Ha ha ha ha ha ..."

Showbiz Awards

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Time Machine Collision

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Music Hall Dancers

Hollywood producer.

'I'm a star!'

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

TV stage door

'Now watch our sales increase.'

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

No Talent Agency

"You may now phony show-biz kiss the bride."

"Those who can can, dance."

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'Get Doc Weston and Tell him I have a fever and to come over quick. We have a show to do tonight.' The talking dog goes over to the doctor's house and simply says 'woof'.

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'