Sports Sitcom Spectator Gifts

Church for sports worshipers.

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"I AM at my usual position."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Time Machine Collision

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

"So that's where you were last night."

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

Football supporters.

'Get him in a full nelson, you dolt! You'll never pin him with a Heimlich maneuver!'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'If it's a game of two halves, how come you're on your third pint?'

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.