Show-off Specialist T-Shirts

'No, I left the price on to impress the neighbours.'

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Hollywood producer.

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

Toenail clipping missile.

'I'm a star!'

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"Fashion Week"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

TV stage door

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

Stage producer.

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

No Talent Agency

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

Magic Trick

Crossing the Thin Line into Show Business

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."