Show-off Specialist Gifts

Grandstander!

'No, I left the price on to impress the neighbours.'

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

Toenail clipping missile.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Hollywood producer.

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'I'm a star!'

Bette Midler

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

'Call you back - I'm with my agent.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Fashion Week"

TV stage door

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

Stage producer.

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

"I've seen your latest project and I must say, it really stinks. I mean, it is utterly putrid. It totally reeks."

No Talent Agency

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'