Success Show-off T-Shirts

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Jumping Man

'It's the newest thing out. A big screen fish finder.'

Toenail clipping missile.

'I'm a star!'

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Hollywood producer.

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

TV stage door

"Fashion Week"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"Er. . . anything else?"

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

Stage producer.

No Talent Agency

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

Magic Trick

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

"Great news, babe. I'm on the fall schedule."

"Now, you show me yours"

Crossing the Thin Line into Show Business

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'