Shop Greeter Gifts

"We'd prefer that you wait until people ask before directing them to the weight-loss aisle."

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Mistaken identity.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

'You wished to see the house red?'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

I know 'enjoy the day' is the latest trendy, trite pleasantry, but in this store, we stick with the classic, 'Have a nice day'.

Recession/Recovery

"Kemo sabe, I want you to be official greeter at my new casino."

'All these conferences look the same.'

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

"Of course it's improved. Check out the quality of the packaging graphics."

Our Job Steward

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

Customer: 'Do you have anything for the same price that doesn't cost so much?'

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"Remember when all this was free?"

'We're all out of the (bar code) but can I interest you in the (different bar code)?'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

Cathy was becoming increasingly buy-curious.

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"Just how slightly imperfect are they?"

'LOVE that hint of sarcasm in your ‘HAVE A GREAT DAY!''

A Woman Shopping.

"It's a wrap!"

Toga wearhouse.