Shop Greeter Pillows

"We'd prefer that you wait until people ask before directing them to the weight-loss aisle."

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Mistaken identity.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

How much would you take off for cash?

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

'You wished to see the house red?'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

Our Job Steward

I know 'enjoy the day' is the latest trendy, trite pleasantry, but in this store, we stick with the classic, 'Have a nice day'.

"Kemo sabe, I want you to be official greeter at my new casino."

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

"Of course it's improved. Check out the quality of the packaging graphics."

'All these conferences look the same.'

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

Customer: 'Do you have anything for the same price that doesn't cost so much?'

Cathy was becoming increasingly buy-curious.

"Remember when all this was free?"

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'We're all out of the (bar code) but can I interest you in the (different bar code)?'

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"Just how slightly imperfect are they?"

"It's a wrap!"

'LOVE that hint of sarcasm in your ‘HAVE A GREAT DAY!''

A Woman Shopping.

Toga wearhouse.

'Excuse me!..D'you work here?'