Store Greeter Gifts

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

We stock ALL sizes...

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

It's too tight! You'll shrink into it as you get older.

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

'Perfect - as Sir will know, the fashion is for the looser suit this year...'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in college.'

Clothes sale - everything must go!

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'Or if that's too expensive, why don't you bring yours in for a nice paint job?'

Retail store: 'put this on and shut up!'

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"They are so cute, and anything has to be more comfortable than these. Where did you get them?"

'It's not quite ready now, but come 2285, you'll be glad you waited.'

'This must be the work clothes section.'