Shoe Shopping Humorist Gifts

'Okay, Pete - same time next year?'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

Pirates at the mall.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Tee-Hee-Bay - XXXL shoes.

"How much is the sign?"

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Shop signs.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Great moments in shopping

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'It's you.'

"That's Mrs. Bigfoot. I'll let you take her."

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

Fresh milk - Self service

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".

Woman walking past Five Guys.

"You got hiking boot in 58?"

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

'Had I'd known it would be such a long walk I wouldn't have worn heels.'

Crap Nav

Toothpaste mental shutdown.