Shoe Shopping Satirist Gifts

"How are you fixed for sandals?"

Sign Reform

They get into debt so fast these days...

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Tee-Hee-Bay - XXXL shoes.

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

'It's so ironic: I finally win a prize at a raffle and it has to be a free pedicure!'

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

Financial Christmas

Ugly sisters

"That's Mrs. Bigfoot. I'll let you take her."

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Mail-Order Yard Sale

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

'Sometimes I ask myself, 'What would good King Wenceslaus think about all this?''