Shoe Shopping Satirist Gifts

"How are you fixed for sandals?"

They get into debt so fast these days...

Pirates at the mall.

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'It's so ironic: I finally win a prize at a raffle and it has to be a free pedicure!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

Mail-Order Yard Sale

"That's Mrs. Bigfoot. I'll let you take her."

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

Financial Christmas

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

Ugly sisters

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

Mother Nature's Health Foods

'Sometimes I ask myself, 'What would good King Wenceslaus think about all this?''

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'