Shoe Shopping Humorist Pillows

'Okay, Pete - same time next year?'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Great moments in shopping

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"That's Mrs. Bigfoot. I'll let you take her."

'It's you.'

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Fresh milk - Self service

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".

"You got hiking boot in 58?"

Woman walking past Five Guys.

'Had I'd known it would be such a long walk I wouldn't have worn heels.'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

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