Shoe Store Humor Aficionado Pillows

"How are you fixed for sandals?"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'How much would you take off for cash?'

'A mind is a terrible thing to make up.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"How much is the sign?"

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

Great moments in shopping

"Do they make my feet look big?"

"No open toes. I have a puppy."

The 29p Shop

"That's Mrs. Bigfoot. I'll let you take her."

Fresh milk - Self service

'Had I'd known it would be such a long walk I wouldn't have worn heels.'

"You got hiking boot in 58?"

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

'Okay, Pete - same time next year?'

"It's all business-to-business. We need some retail outlets."

'Sorry. In the time it took you to get out your credit card the price of smokes went up another 30 cents.'

Market items.

He doesn't look sorry!

'Oh no, we forgot to lock the safe!' 'What's the problem, we're both here aren't we?'

'Other husbands at least PRETEND to show interest...'

'The store was out of light bulbs, so I got lite beer instead.'

Complaints and Excuses.

"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my old shoes."

'Lady, your 'just browsing' is costing me 23 security cameras and 3 floor detectives.'