Shared Living Humorist Gifts

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Turtle Trailer Court

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

'Last time I share-house with a Wookie!'

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"It's been a rainy winter."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

Robinia Floribunda

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'A thief stole your key? Rats, I'll have to change the lock and reissue keys to the thousands of tenants...'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

"Hope you don't need the bathroom. His showers take forever."

'Burl always has to walk around the house when he brushes his teeth. . . he can't sit still for a minute.'

"Were you aware you'll need to sign over your wife & kids as collateral in order to secure this property?"

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

"What a coincidence! I'm a new dad too!"

"At the time of the incident, I was employed in the Dunbar house as a pet."

The Denouement is Nigh!

'Ere Mabel, know anything about agreeing to a home swop?'