Shared Living Satire Fan Gifts

'Burl always has to walk around the house when he brushes his teeth. . . he can't sit still for a minute.'

"You know, there are other emojis."

1989 Map Of Sorghum Corners, Ohio

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"Ancient Aztec shaman-kings predicted a coming together of all the cultures of the world, creating a new enlightenment for human beings."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Pop star weather report.

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

'I believe in the free enterprise system. I haven't paid for anything in the past 27 years...'

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

'Last time I share-house with a Wookie!'

'We need more cake shows!'

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

'They're clouds, Bob. You can't channel surf.'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

"Worm puree? No, it seems the old lady was sh*tfaced again last night!"

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."

"I'm thinking about moving out of the suburbs."

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- Career Duck

My belief is better than yours!

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

The Ancient Enquirer: Woman Turns Into Pillar of Salt!

"A touch more obsequious and you'll reach the tipping point."

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

"Goddam Dogs."

How come nothing good ever happens to me? Like what? Like getting taken by a foreign government then rescued. I want to get a book contract, to be part of the news cycle, to have him talk about me. Whom? Speak my name, Anderson Cooper! The great one.

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"