Shared Living Satire Fan Pillows

'Burl always has to walk around the house when he brushes his teeth. . . he can't sit still for a minute.'

"You know, there are other emojis."

1989 Map Of Sorghum Corners, Ohio

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

Pop star weather report.

'I believe in the free enterprise system. I haven't paid for anything in the past 27 years...'

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'They're clouds, Bob. You can't channel surf.'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

'We need more cake shows!'

"Worm puree? No, it seems the old lady was sh*tfaced again last night!"

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"I'm thinking about moving out of the suburbs."

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

My belief is better than yours!

The Ancient Enquirer: Woman Turns Into Pillar of Salt!

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"A touch more obsequious and you'll reach the tipping point."

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

"That's right. A real war with real victims and real casualties. Unfortunately The War of Withering Sarcasm wasn't one of those sexy wars the media likes to report on."

"Goddam Dogs."

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'