Shared Living Humorist Pillows

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"It's been a rainy winter."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

Robinia Floribunda

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'A thief stole your key? Rats, I'll have to change the lock and reissue keys to the thousands of tenants...'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

"Were you aware you'll need to sign over your wife & kids as collateral in order to secure this property?"

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

"Hope you don't need the bathroom. His showers take forever."

'Burl always has to walk around the house when he brushes his teeth. . . he can't sit still for a minute.'

"What a coincidence! I'm a new dad too!"

"At the time of the incident, I was employed in the Dunbar house as a pet."

The Denouement is Nigh!

'Ere Mabel, know anything about agreeing to a home swop?'