Shared Living Enthusiast Pillows

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

So...this is the roommate. Awkward...

"Do you want the last piece, or can I have it?"

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"You should consider buying."

'Oh, you nasty sluggard!'

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

"Charlie's really interested in co-operative housing..."

Samosas

"So we're on top of the Empire State Building and the kid says, 'Relax. Everyone knows cats always land on their feet.' So then..."

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

Real estate: 'Sure, it's a long commute, but the price is right!'

"I'd delete Facebook—But I really enjoy roasting landlords and their overpriced rentals."

"And FYI, Iggy has night terrors."

"Hope you don't need the bathroom. His showers take forever."

'Burl always has to walk around the house when he brushes his teeth. . . he can't sit still for a minute.'

"Ooooh, she's tall! Good! Come in! I'll put away the flame thrower."

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

Theirs Theirs

'The next time I get involved it's going to be with a meat and potatoes kind of guy.'

"It's the people downstairs complaining about the noise again."

"That's the problem with social media. Once you let it go, it's hard to take back."

Pizza island.

"I don't know how they managed to get planning permission!"

The Boarding-House

'So, how do corn flakes work?'

'Dailey's get their toaster back?'

'How do I remain his best friend? We never discuss politics or religion.'

"Papi, how come we don't live in a mansion?"

Complaining About Complaining

'I'm all for shared parenting but I suspect you're milking this Brigson.'