Shakespearean Punster Gifts

The Taming of the Screw.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Sweep the board.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

K9 Literati

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Tequila Mockingbird

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'