Shakespearean Punster Pillows

The Taming of the Screw.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Sweep the board.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

K9 Literati

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'