Literature Punster Gifts

Optometrist Humor

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'Jurassic Pork.'

K9 Literati

Dogs life

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

'Caesar salad?'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"I have such strong feelers for you."

Note Book

Mystery of the Poets

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Beauty and the Baste

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Bitter End

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

'I think therefore I ham.'

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

"Norman is an island."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

"Go ahead and touch my light. It's made of boyfriend material."