Pop Culture Punster Gifts

Things That It Wasn't

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'Not for me luv - you know I'm diabetic!'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

K9 Literati

Dogs life

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Note Book

Mystery of the Poets

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Optometrist Humor

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Norman is an island."

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."