Musical Punster Gifts

"I'm afraid you've got a serious case of polka dots."

Neil was only too happy to become an organ donor.

Note Book

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'Jurassic Pork.'

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

K9 Literati

Dogs life

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Mystery of the Poets

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

2B or not 2B

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

Hamlet.

"Norman is an island."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."