Piano Punster Gifts

To the pianist surprise, one day he actually cuts himself on a B Sharp.

"Who's ready to hear a lot of adjacent keys played simultaneously?"

Baby Grand Larceny

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Mystery of the Poets

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Note Book

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"Norman is an island."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

Tiny man plays big cello, huge man plays tiny violin.

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."

His Other Shtick

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

'Well, I just met the girl of my dreams -- you know, the kind you have when you eat anchovy pizza right before bed.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

'I'm trying to get a Handel on classical music, but I'm finding that it's one step forward and two steps Bach.'

Surfin' the web.

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

'I'm not the first visionary who's been accused of extreme optimism.'

"There's no need to call me names, Slime-Breath!"

"What's a cow doing in my classroom?"

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'