Piano Punster Pillows

To the pianist surprise, one day he actually cuts himself on a B Sharp.

"Who's ready to hear a lot of adjacent keys played simultaneously?"

Baby Grand Larceny

Nope, not what I thought you meant by "piano bar."

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

'He learnt it all from a book - 'Play Like Boris Becker'.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Dogs life

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Mystery of the Poets

Note Book

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"Norman is an island."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Tiny man plays big cello, huge man plays tiny violin.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."

'Well, I just met the girl of my dreams -- you know, the kind you have when you eat anchovy pizza right before bed.'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

His Other Shtick

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

Surfin' the web.

'I'm trying to get a Handel on classical music, but I'm finding that it's one step forward and two steps Bach.'

Mobile Holmes.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'