Literary Punsters Gifts

Tequila Mockingbird

"I thought Marley said I'd be visited by three ghosts."

Butterfly Collectors Annual Ball.

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

Mystery of the Poets

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

2B or not 2B

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

Beauty and the Baste

Optometrist Humor

Bitter End

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"Norman is an island."

Hamlet.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'