Literary Punsters Gifts

Tequila Mockingbird

"I thought Marley said I'd be visited by three ghosts."

Butterfly Collectors Annual Ball.

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

Mystery of the Poets

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

2B or not 2B

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

Beauty and the Baste

Optometrist Humor

Bitter End

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Hamlet.

"Norman is an island."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

'Blasphemous? Christ no!'

Henry Grumble, an editor to the bitter end.

Fart. Le Poot.