Philosophical Punster Gifts

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"It's a big responsibility having green lighted everything."

Creation: The Snooker Theory

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

British savings accounts

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Mystery of the Poets

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

Optometrist Humor

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

Bitter End

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'