Philosophical Punster Gifts

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"It's a big responsibility having green lighted everything."

Creation: The Snooker Theory

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

British savings accounts

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

K9 Literati

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Mystery of the Poets

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

Optometrist Humor

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Bitter End

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'I think therefore I ham.'

"Norman is an island."