Visionary Punster Gifts

'Correct! And without looking. You really are the best optician in the country.'

Optometrist practical jokes

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

Dogs life

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Note Book

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

While at the Zoo, Victoria gets an idea.

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

2B or not 2B

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'I think therefore I ham.'

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'