Vision Punster Gifts

'Yes I can imagine it was frightening when you began seeing double.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

I think you're ace

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"All we have left is standing room only."

Sweep the board.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Kamikaze Colour

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

Richard the Turd