Sex Ed Humorist Gifts

'The facts of life are like republicans and democrats. They occasionally get together and a bill is drawn.'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Math Teacher

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'People, get a half-life!'

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'We don't know what this is called'

'I'm taking the 'learn from my mistakes' approach to education.'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

K-9 Garten

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

'Fortunately, I'm not driven by a deep need for validation.'

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

The Eternal Consequence for Men Not Putting the Seat Down...

Two piece outfits only.

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

Quiz 2 + 2 = 2 + 2 This is a mathematics professor and my attorney. They'll explain why my answer is technically and legally correct.

The Principal of Inertia.

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

Graduated Cylinders...

'How is his liberal arts degree going to help him in today's world?'