Educator Humorist Gifts

'Look, mom. We got them instead of stars on our papers.'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

Math Teacher

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'People, get a half-life!'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Geography class - UR Here.

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.