Educational Comedian Gifts

"Test has such a negative connotation. I prefer to call them character building opportunities."

Molecules You Ought To Be Aware of:

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

'It wasn't the Principal - I was expelled by the STUDENT COUNCIL!'

'He has a learning disorder.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

A Puppet Named Juan

Ethics exam cheater.

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'But I digress...'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'My science project is an experiment in static electricity.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

"Your rule about no yelling out in class...that's a violation of my 1st Amendment rights!"

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."