Edu-comedian Gifts

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

University of Hard Knocks

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Math Teacher

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

Don't you hate...

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'People, get a half-life!'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.