Educator In Comedy Gifts

"If you start as a teacher at our school we'll contribute to both the treatment of gunshot and stab wounds as well as your funeral expenses."

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

Math Teacher

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'People, get a half-life!'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

Geography class - UR Here.

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'I'm taking the 'learn from my mistakes' approach to education.'

'We don't know what this is called'

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."