Educator In Comedy Pillows

"If you start as a teacher at our school we'll contribute to both the treatment of gunshot and stab wounds as well as your funeral expenses."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

Math Teacher

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'People, get a half-life!'

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

Geography class - UR Here.

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'We don't know what this is called'

'I'm taking the 'learn from my mistakes' approach to education.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

K-9 Garten

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'