Edu-comedian Pillows

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

University of Hard Knocks

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Math Teacher

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

Don't you hate...

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'People, get a half-life!'