Service Staff Gifts

Skinny, poor patron to coffee house waitress: 'Bring me something rich and robust.'

'If you need anything, here's my e-mail address.'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Multi-tasking.

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Not much money, glory, or praise

Back in 5 minutes!

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Sales.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'