Service Staff Gifts

Skinny, poor patron to coffee house waitress: 'Bring me something rich and robust.'

'If you need anything, here's my e-mail address.'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Back in 5 minutes!

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'