Waitstaff Gifts

Try our frogs' legs

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"Waiter, I'd like to order, unless I've eaten, in which case bring me the check."

"How's the squid?"

"We're sort of open."

"Before proceeding, Gertrude will read the minutes of the last Thanksgiving."

"Waiters have to take a special oath..."

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"Let's cut to the chase, baby. Is the egg salad fresh?"

'Are you the one whose meat was undercooked?'

'I admire a man who's not afraid to cry...but not when he sees how much dinner costs.'

"I'll have whatever is hot, fast, and artisanal."

"Every time you want to eat a waiter, you can't find one."

"But I ordered vegetarian..."

"I got the idea from them fancy restaurants that cook your food at the table...."

Eat 'n' Pay 'n' Get Out Restaurant

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Tell him we're just having the soup and salad.'

"Special tonight, sir, leg of laggard."

Social Importance: When the maitre d' knows your name.

"I'm donating a portion of your tip to charity."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"Do you have anything that will make us as deliriously happy as the couple in this cruise magazine?"

'Sorry... We don't serve food here.'

'I wonder how much I should tip to get a good cloud?'

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

'Would you like seconds?'

'Stop me if you've heard this one. Stop!'

'Due to the new goverment regs, you'll have to fill out these forms to see if you qualify for the businessman's lunch.'

"I wonder what the 'chef's surprise' is."

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

Beef Stew.

"There must be a better system than this."