Waitstaff Gifts

Try our frogs' legs

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"Waiter, I'd like to order, unless I've eaten, in which case bring me the check."

"How's the squid?"

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"We're sort of open."

"Waiters have to take a special oath..."

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

"Before proceeding, Gertrude will read the minutes of the last Thanksgiving."

"Let's cut to the chase, baby. Is the egg salad fresh?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Are you the one whose meat was undercooked?'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

Beef Stew.

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

Eat 'n' Pay 'n' Get Out Restaurant

'Due to the new goverment regs, you'll have to fill out these forms to see if you qualify for the businessman's lunch.'

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"Do you have anything that will make us as deliriously happy as the couple in this cruise magazine?"

"Special tonight, sir, leg of laggard."

"I'm donating a portion of your tip to charity."

'Would you like seconds?'

The waitstaff at Luigi's like to have fun when they administered the Heimlich maneuver.

'We brought in our own wine. Were we supposed to bring our own stems, too?'

'Sorry... We don't serve food here.'

'Stop me if you've heard this one. Stop!'

Social Importance: When the maitre d' knows your name.

"I got the idea from them fancy restaurants that cook your food at the table...."

"I'll have whatever is hot, fast, and artisanal."

"But I ordered vegetarian..."

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'

'I admire a man who's not afraid to cry...but not when he sees how much dinner costs.'

'Tell him we're just having the soup and salad.'

'I wonder how much I should tip to get a good cloud?'