Waitress Gifts

"The knuckle sandwich looks good."

"Can I bring you something else to complain about?"

Woman bringing coffee cups to business people attending a video conference (via computer screens).

'Do you have a longer straw?'

Help wanted - Better help wanted.

'To my favorite waiter I leave the usual 20 percent.'

Socrates does lunch

'The food is terrible! I won't eat it! Get the Manager!'

"Just so you guys know, in the event of an emergency I'm fully trained in P.R."

"With any entrée, you get unlimited access to the trough."

'The customer is always right...'

"O.K., her mouth is full—run over and ask her if everything is O.K.!"

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

'What's the one little word you've forgotten?'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

After the last supper...

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

'I'll have the Humuhumunukunukuapua'a and chips.'

That comes with a side? Okay, I'll have the freedom fries... No scratch that. Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled mashed potatoes.

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'I'll have a BLT.' 'ASAP or PDQ?'

'Is anything O.K.?'

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

"I'll have what he's having."

Oh, to be 70 again.

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'Activate the backup, we got a server going down!'

'Is the homework gluten free?'

'Sorry. We have no senor discount.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

"There. Fly problem: solved. You need anything else, or can I go back to my break?"

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'