Waitress Gifts

"The knuckle sandwich looks good."

'So that's 3 ham and cheese omelets...one order without cheese, one without ham, and another without eggs.'

"Can I bring you something else to complain about?"

Help wanted - Better help wanted.

Woman bringing coffee cups to business people attending a video conference (via computer screens).

'Do you have a longer straw?'

'To my favorite waiter I leave the usual 20 percent.'

Socrates does lunch

'The food is terrible! I won't eat it! Get the Manager!'

"With any entrée, you get unlimited access to the trough."

"Just so you guys know, in the event of an emergency I'm fully trained in P.R."

'The customer is always right...'

After the last supper...

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

'I'll have the Humuhumunukunukuapua'a and chips.'

'What's the one little word you've forgotten?'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

"O.K., her mouth is full—run over and ask her if everything is O.K.!"

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

'Is anything O.K.?'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

"I'm lactose intolerant, this guy is gluten intolerant, and the guy on the end is just intolerant."

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

Oh, to be 70 again.

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"

'Activate the backup, we got a server going down!'

"There. Fly problem: solved. You need anything else, or can I go back to my break?"

'Sorry. We have no senor discount.'

'Is the homework gluten free?'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

That comes with a side? Okay, I'll have the freedom fries... No scratch that. Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled mashed potatoes.

'I'll have a BLT.' 'ASAP or PDQ?'