Waitresses Gifts

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"Yes, sir, there's a fly in your soup... There's a fly in everybody's soup!"

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'If you are interested, we do sell reading glasses for $25 each.'

'We're not really vegetarians, but we would like something that died of natural causes.'

'And just what makes you think you qualify for the businessman's lunch?'

'New scratch n' sniff menu for the literacy challenged.'

'I can bring you tea, but you'll have to find your own sympathy.'

Excess Baggage: People who are lousy tippers should be sent to restaurant hell when they die.

"How do I remember orders without writing them? Fatso got the fries, Bitchface got the burger, Pimples got pizza, and Pignose got pulled pork."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Your French dip, sir.'

Diner.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'